St. Neotian Fensign Readings

by Erial

April 2002


I see someone has been dabbling in the darker arts recently. There is a faint whiff of brimstone and an owl pellet in your pool. Becoming enamored with the darker forces of nature is not for everyone dearie, in fact someone with your naive charms should defiantly want to be sleeping with a clove of garlic and a silver cross right about now. And making sure that you lock the doors at night. Beware strangers in shadows and grinning clergymen who need one good exorcism to give them a shove up the celestial corporate ladder. Unlucky numbers; 6,6,6. Lucky colour; Virgin white.


According to this half masticated onion and the scattering of petals floating in Luna in the 2nd House, you are defiantly going to be lucky in love this month. In fact, you are going to be favored all your relationships. Your aura has a definite shine to it and people will want to be near you and with you, hanging off of your every word. By about the third Thursday of the month, they are going to be driving you nuts. Never fear, your boss is also under your spell and you should be able to get a couple of days off sick. Tell every one it is contagious, or they will all be round to hold your hand and offer sympathy. Lucky stone; Opal, lucky fruit; mango.


A long weekend away is just what you need and I suggest you book yourself somewhere secluded and off the beaten track where no one will be able to find you. Before you go though, make sure all your affairs are in order ( no, not those affairs; your paper work) and mail them into me, for safe keeping. Just put my name as beneficiary, so there won't be any nasty legal questions if anything untoward happens..............not that it will or anything................Lucky numbers; any on your life insurance policy.


I suggest you wash your hands with some good strong soap and think about recent events very, very hard. What would Auntie Mavis think, eh? Or the neighbors for that matter? I am not saying it is something you should be ashamed of per say, but there are certain things that just don't fall into the category of "Street Art" and that is defiantly one of them. If you insist on doing it, it should be done in the privacy of a padlocked and double bolted room, with the curtains closed. Not in front of innocent pets, partners, easily influenced youngsters and nervous Clydesdales. Tut tut............ Lucky animals; stoats.


That keen inquiring mind of yours is just about to get you slap bang in the middle of other peoples business and while the going is still good, I suggest you back peddle like mad, tell everyone you are under the doctor, on medication. Deny everything. The consequences will be foul and dire if you don't and will somehow involve a cocker Spaniel, a large bucket of lime and a coat hanger. Avoid Beaver Beasts with whisks and small nosey Pigeons armed with wooden spoons, they are in the mood to stir.


A sterling opportunity is coming for you at work this month. Plans are in the works for a new top secret project, and although you know full well that you don't have the know how or the savvy to pull it off, I urge that you make it your own. Once it is yours, look worries, look harassed, run around with a clip board jotting down notes with a chewed pencil and above all, look as though you have the whole thing under control. Every one will be impressed ( even that miserable know -it-all Lobster) and it won't make a blind bit of notice that all you are jotting down is your shopping list as the project will be cancelled at the end of the month due to lack of funds. But you will score full marks for your "efforts" and it will show favorably on your next pay raise. Lucky numbers; 7, 28, 93.


Your tarn is festooned with cast off Kleenex and has a faint odor of menthol. Pay back for those little frolics "eau natural", I would say, and I recommend that you stop being so brave about the whole thing and just take a day or two off of work to get the thing out of your system before everyone catches it. A few hours over a steaming bowl will help clear out your sinus infection and also loosen some of those blackheads you keep picking at, oh and sucking a Fisherman's Friend will help put a smile back on your face. 


There is a postage stamp, a soggy chip and a fizzy pop bottle in your tarn this month. Beware of any up dates you plan to do to your computer this month. I know Neville ( the Weasel from the Train Spotters Club) said it was easy, but the Cyber Gods are still smarting from your "cleaning the mouse" incident last month and may not favour you going anywhere near your PC with anything bigger or sharper than a paper clip. If you insist on doing it, please inform your next of kin and the guys at the Bird Watchers Society that you may be out of cyber circulation for a while. Wear rubber soled boots and have Neville's phone number handy.


There is a whiff of something strange, a fragment of floating elm and two conjunctions in the fifth house ( Lupus and Pisces, if you must know) all telling me that you are entering into some underhanded dealings with the kind of people your mother warned you about. You have a natural intelligence enhanced by a keen and inquisitive streak of nosiness, but your sense integrity has obviously gone away on a skiing trip and hasn't called home in a while. Beware these new found "business associates" they are going to try and use you for what they can get and then will cast you aside like an old flip flop.


Well you are the sneaky one. I see here that you have had a secret project in the works for a while now and finally it is all coming together and is ready to bear fruit. (soggy page from the Times, an apple core in the third House, clear water and an unusual depth and clarity for the season) I verified my findings with Norman, ( my duck) and he agrees, this should be an interesting time for you and the auspices are all favorable. Just beware of a pompous Owl wearing a "Been There, Done That" tee-shirt and offering council; they don't know their pinion feathers from a pot hole, and will vanish at the first sign of trouble. Lucky colour; lime green.


Dark swirling waters with various oddments of debris, I am afraid for you this month. I see a small jovial Fox with a long and sharp grudge deciding that now is the time to make a move and pop your big shiny balloon of happiness. All I can suggest is that you be very, very wary of this individual ( the sharp pointy ears are a dead give away) and come up with a few choice retorts and witty comebacks to shield yourself from the BANG. Beware of whom you confide in this month, the quiet and understanding deer with whom you have shared confidences is a blabber mouth when intoxicated and the jovial, wily Fox will be standing the rounds...........


Very obscure tarn this month, the floating pencil ( 4b) and the Hong Kong Menu indicate a planned trip, but there is a strand of string and a smear of diesel in the 2nd quarter and Scorpius is ascending, so I am not sure if you will be packing your bags for a cruise to foreign climbs, or if in fact, you are finally going to get your come uppance for all those parking tickets you have been
hiding under your passengers seat. Just to be on the safe side, buy some baby oil and some new undies as both will come in handy, no matter what the out come. Lucky number; 4934672555, unlucky animals; ferrets.

Beaver Beast

Hmmm, you have been leading a bit of a sheltered life recently, but that is soon all going to change. There are movements in the 3rd house ( I think they are duck, but Norman says he is innocent) and a few wisps of grass, indicating that there is a major change coming this month. Prepare to accept new challenges at work and in your social life. It will be hard for you to know which invitations to accept, but tossing a coin normally works pretty well for normal folk. your case, accept any that fall up heads, reject any that fall tails up and use deodorant and mouth wash lavishly with any that remain balanced on their rims.


Erial may be contacted at





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