St. Neotian Fensign Readings

by Erial

December 2001


Escaped from last months little debacle unscathed then I see, although how you managed to get away with it is quite beyond me. Your tarn is quite clear this month, which is nice, but if you overindulge yourself with the sweeties and the cakes this Yule, be prepared to take the consequences. You pool has a shallow aura, so you may as well stock up on Clearasil and Milk of Magnesia as you have no will power what so ever. Plan on doing a lot of walking in the New Year if you persist on forgetting to lock your car while you are "just popping in" real quick, like.


Oh come on Scrooge, get with it! Christmas is a time for joy and family and friends, not for you to be sulking and stropping about like a wet lettuce. Infuse yourself with the Spirit of Man ( or a large double scotch- which ever you prefer) and get out there! I see Indus rising and Venus in the third house, which indicates that you and you alone are responsible for your happiness. Accept that party invite you were wondering how you could get out of, it will be fun and you will have a blast. Promise. Green is your lucky color and if you wear it on New Years Eve, you might be in for a pleasant surprise...................


I am pleased to see that your waterworks problem has cleared up. You can now go back to wearing regular clothes instead of slip 'em off quick jogging bottoms. Your tarn has a faint sheen from an old chip packet and Pollux is rising in the 7th House. This could be a good month for you to remember those less fortunate than yourself. Do some simple act of kindness that will bring light into another's life, but don't leave a contact number or you will never get rid of them. Now might also be the time to patch up that long standing rift with your friend the Owl. Let bygones be bygones, eh? Ring in the New Year on an optimistic note, it is all going to get much, much better in 2002. 


Your pool indicates that your finances are in a better shape than you let on. ( skinflint) Generosity is not what Christmas is all about, it is the thought that counts, but buying your beloved socks and a laundry basket is not exactly swinging the boat out, now is it? Get your act together and go and buy gifts that show how much you really do care. Do you want to be remembered as a tight wad? Beware of chicken bones, cashew nuts and drinking and driving. Oh and be careful with those bath cubes Auntie Vera will give you as you are highly allergic to pentasodium pentetate, apparently. Avoid jolly fat men wearing red.


If you had done as I suggested last month, you would have been be able to indulge your family in some fabulous gifts this month. Unfortunately, I see by this bent twig and coke can, you still refuse to believe in the power of the tarn. Why I bother with you I don't know, you are so stubborn; Russell Grant is not all THAT, you know. Spend the little money you have on truly thoughtful gifts for your loved ones. I believe the Pound Shop has some nice bath cubes and soaps at a reasonable price. Red is the color you should wrap things in, with little silver bows. Beware old ladies carrying sharp objects.


Well chosen gifts for family members will go a long way to heal some of the rifts that have grown around you this year. Seriously consider having a family get together at your house and letting some of the more foolish squabbles just heal over. A family secret will be revealed around the punch bowl which will explain why Auntie Edna doesn't talk to your Uncle Pete, so keep your ears pinned back. Years of blackmail material in this little confession. Don't let the dog eat anything with liquors in or you could be investing in a new carpet before January. Blue is your lucky color, wrap all your gifts in it and see what happens............


Welcome home! The tarn shows me that you had an uneventful trip after all, thanks to the astral powers that have chosen to be with you at this time. These powers however will not stop you being a total plonker at the works Christmas bash. Please reconsider your whole plan to go as one of Santa's little elves, as this will have a disastrous effect of your chances for a New Years promotion. There is nothing quite as uncouth as a lurching drunk elf trying to pin the boss under the mistletoe for a good seeing to. Beware the little ham and cheese things unless you want to be sick on the way home.......................


Antila and Virgo just descended with a duck feather on the ascendant. Concentrate on the true meaning of Christmas rather that on the allure of shiny wrapping and glittery cards. There is someone in your social circle who will have a totally miserable Christmas if you don't make the effort to cheer them up and get them out of the house. All I can tell you is that this person is a myopic depressed Lobster who is a compulsive shop lifter and congenital liar. They shouldn't be hard to find. Try doing a majority of your shopping in town this year, you will be surprised by the bargains you can pick up.



Your pool is smothered in mystic ether and very indistinct. Your friends have been a bit absent in your life recently but you should still send them cards and buy prezzies. Now is not the time of year to go on a sulking binge, as the only one who will feel bad is you, Christmas morning when you see the lack of prezzies under the tree. Choose gifts tactfully, and put special effort into the presentation. Your friends will feel guilty as hell and invite you to lots of parties. You will meet someone special under the mistletoe at the second party. This person will be really interested in you, so leave the pickles in the jar and make sure you check your teeth after attacking the spinach puffs.


I see Gemini on the ascendant and Virgo on the decline. This month showers you with social invites, but you should pick carefully about the venue you choose for New Years Eve. If you choose the right one, you will be surrounded by hoards of admirers who will all think you are sparkling, witty, intelligent and stunningly sexy. If you choose the wrong one, it will be you, a cheese ball covered in nut, and an oversexed, overweight Labrador called " Chuckles" who will ring in 2002 together. Keep an extra bottle of Port in the house for unexpected visitors.................


Your Fensigns for this month clearly indicate some unusual activity in Uranus. Please treat your body with a bit more respect and others will too. December will be a month of good cheer for you and you should make the most of it before the major squabble breaks out. Choose gifts with care and pay attention when you wrap them or Uncle George will get some lovely lingerie and cousin Hilary will get a bottle of Scotch. Both will be secretly thrilled with their presents, but will wonder how you knew that was what they really wanted. 


Christmas is your favorite time of year! You enjoy the family get togethers and the whole chaotic shopping, cooking and cleaning thing. This year try to take a little time to sit and contemplate the true meaning of the Christmas season."Tis not the giving and receiving, 'tis not the almighty great bills you run up and cat regurgitating tinsel under the tree. Try to spend more time with your friends and family sharing what is important and less time fighting the crowds at the Pound Shop for yet another basket full of dubious goodies. Oh and by the way, Auntie Pat will be round, so you better stock up on stout and peanuts.

Beaver Beast

I see the rising of Altair in the fourth house and a slightly damp twist of newspaper dating from last week. Normally you do not push the boat out much for Yule, but this year I see lots of social activity and some surprising invitations which will get you out and about and introduce you to a whole new circle of friends. Enjoy yourself and let your hair down for once. Avoid walking home alone; get a taxi or share a ride with some friends as you are still being watched from above. As far as gifts are concerned, think quantity rather that quality, and don't forget to add extra glitter to your cards. Flashy is your watch word for December.


Erial may be contacted at





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