St. Neotian Fensign Readings

by Erial

February 2003


These sweetie wrappers and the soggy chip stuck to the bank indicate that you managed to keep your New Years resolution for all of ohhhh, at least a week. Never mind, it's not all your fault. Well it is, but you had help. That friendly Badger who keeps tempting you with sugary treats is defiantly out to get you, but not in the diet sabotaging way you'd thought. May I suggest a big enough box of choccies for two and a thoughtful card on the 14th? Might be the start of a beautiful friendship.........


There is a faint but definite steam over your tarn, you little devil, you. Others may think you quite lethargic and complacent but really you are just one of the quiet ones ( and we all know what get's said about them) This month I think you should formulate a plan. Get a good hair cut, trim those toe claws and invest in a good mouth wash. The object of your secret desire ( a hottie Toad with come-back-to-bed eyes) has plans for you also ( some of them quite unusual, athletic and quite frankly, illegal in at least 11 American states) , should you but realize it. Buy a back brace and some non-slip shoes and prepare to be boarded.


Your head is in a spin. No really, there is a vortex in your tarn not unlike the one you get in the bath when you pull the plug. Quite unusually for you, there is a certain someone ( only the one? Are you feeling alright?) this Valentines Day to whom you wish to make your intentions clear. Unfortunately, this person is a thick headed, dumb as dirt local with the finesse and social skills of a rock. In order to win the heart (and the rest) of your hearts desire, might I suggest dropping the subtle art of the flirt and coy and investing in a whistle and large banner that says " I am here, stupid! Come and get me!!" 


I can see by the accumulation of darts that you have always been known as a bit of a player, someone who couldn't stick to one love interest if you were smothered in glue. That is, until the middle of this month when someone new will move into view. Quite unusually for you, your head over heels attraction will not be based on looks and the size of their income. In fact, none of that will matter at all, much to the amazement of your friends and family. Be prepared to have this Badger not trust you at first ( they have heard about that camping trip and seen the photos) but with charm and patience, you can win them over.


I see your social life has been less than what you had wished for recently. You really should send yourself an interesting and expensive floral arrangement this year ( no, not to home, stupid, no one will see them at home will they? Duh!) with a barely suitable little card ( write with your other hand please, that Beaver Beast you work with is a nosy bugger and will suss your writing straight away) stating something almost unbelievable about your prowess with the opposite sex. Mention sizes, suction and anything else that sounds rude and tasteless. Your co-workers will be intrigued, and pretty soon you will have more dates that a sultan.


Half a sausage, a wire coat hanger and some small screws indicate that you are feeling a little lacking in the boudoir department of life. This is your own fault entirely and if you want it to change, then you have some work to do! First off, those sheets have to go and by go I mean further than the washing machine, I mean go as in gone, left, removed from the vicinity entirely. Get some nice expensive silk. ( nylon will do in a push, I guess, looking at your bank balance) Same deal with those practical, sensible things you call underwear. Yes, I know your mum would be proud, but it's not your mum you are trying to impress here, is it? Also, get rid of those awful smellies you got for Christmas. It's anti-mate. Not inti-mate.


A definite greenish tinge to your tarn here. Rather than treating this month as one in which to cherish and adore your beloved, I see it being a month when you are fingerprinting the postman and secretly taping phone calls. Get a grip on yourself!! So what if the light of your life receives a dozen cards and enough flowers to put the funeral parlor to shame? Mention the webbed feet. That should throw enough cold water on any secret lusts and fantasies to extinguish any lurking flame in your lovers heart.


I see small children; lot's of small children, just here under these birch twigs and leaves. Or maybe it is just one or two moving around a lot? A time is coming into focus when your ties and obligations are going to change drastically and I want you to be as prepared as possible for this event. Genetically these little rug rats are defiantly linked to you, but I can't see if they are due to your lack of discretion or a close family members. Either way, now would be a good time to think about the future. Now is also a good time to have that heart to heart you have been dreading with a co-worker.


Orion is in the third house and there is a dead duck in the ellipse. You are spending way too much time worrying about the wrong things. Who cares about all this stuff anyway? ( apart from you, I mean) No-one; you are obsessing again. I think it's about time you widened your circle of friends and found yourself a hobby that doesn't involve the Internet, a lot of two fingered typing ( and really, really bad spelling and grammatical errors, by the way) and a secret on-line liaison with someone you think is your love match made in heaven, but is really a bus driver from Widness called Norman ( a lying Weasel) Get a life!!


An artistic project requiring a lot of effort and thought will get the green light this month ( according to the moon in Libra and this bottle cap) Be cautious as to how you proceed and try not to bite off more than you can chew at one time. Enlist the aid of a talented Badger and a thoughtful Squirrel and avoid the procrastination of a slightly miffed Beaver Beast who's a bit put out by it all. There will be a problem with your plumbing mid month, requiring the services of a qualified Owl. Do not mess with it yourself, it is not a job for the short-armed and faint-hearted. 


Can't see much beyond the murk I am afraid. They are untapped depths and hidden currents ( remarkable in a pool so small when you think about it) and a tendency for things to drift to the left. Romance is defiantly in the air around you. A small and apparently nonchalant Pigeon has something to do with it, and if you had any sense you would run a mile before it all gets hot and heavy. This pigeon is NOT your type at all. I believe you know a shy and retiring Lobster who is looking for a "friend", why not introduce them and then run like hell? 


A confusion will arise at work this month, a simple misunderstanding which will escalate far beyond funny if you don't nip it in the bud quickly. ( dog ends, a bottle cap and the cusp of Leo in the 4th house till the 17th) Someone you work with has no sense of humor at all and takes everything you say as absolute truth, so watch it. The only clues to the identity of this person is that they are a slightly over weight dowdy Fox with a large collection of Barry Manilow albums and a certificate for swimming Eynesbury school pool in 1974. Put your brain in gear before slipping the verbal clutch, Weasles. 

Beaver Beast

The wrapper from a cough drop and a used plaster ( yuck!) indicate a month of illness. Not for you perhaps, but defiantly for those around you. You are going to be in your element this next few weeks, since your sign always has a strong urge to minister those in need. I caution you to be realistic however as to the equipment your hope you will require. Only a trained practitioner needs all that stuff. So put away that hot water bottle and the pipes and funnel and stick with tender words, pillow plumping and pre-packaged over the counter medication. 


Erial may be contacted at





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