St. Neotian Fensign Readings

by Erial

April 2002


A murky tarn with clouded depth and zero effervescence indicates that you feel like you are in a bit of a rut at the moment. Life has been a little boring for you recently, but you will finally get up your courage to make a few changes this month. Your friends will be very pleased with your new lively outlook ( you have been a bit boring, face it), but there will be a jealous and clingy Aardvark who will resent it and will attempt to sabotage your social calendar. Encourage this individual to come with you and meet people. They need to get out more as well and besides, if you are lucky, you might just be able to lose them in the crowd......


There are health issues coming into play for you. I see a weakness in the lower extremities with bouts of delirium and fever, resulting in a delirious mental state that leads you to believe you can dance. Why after all these years you should feel the urge to get up and boogie is beyond me, but I seriously recommend that you give watching Saturday Night Fever and remain firmly seated when the DJ starts playing Abba's greatest hits. Other wise a trip to the emergency room is on the cards and the only hustle you will be doing is from the car to the wheelchair. Unlucky colours; tangerine, unlucky numbers; 1,2,3 ( dip)


Too many people see you as the ideal recipient for their whines and moans, they honestly do expect you to come up with solutions, don't they? In order to solve this, you must either start deliberately handing out bad advise or you should tell everyone you have been studying at home for a mental therapists degree for the last three years and now you have passed, you cannot break therapy ethics. The "ethics" involves a wooden bench, the patient being nude and bound and you carrying an egg whisk. It also involves cash in advance. Lots of cash in advance. The only down side is having a naked Lobster laying about, but they have way more money than sense and don't look that bad without their anorak if you squint and keep the lights low.


For such a shy retiring creature, you certainly won't be hiding your light under a bushel this month. I see a stella opportunity for you to tread into the lime light and steal the show. Of course, not everyone wants to have their derriere aired live on the news, being hauled out of a compromising situation by the fire brigade.I strongly suggest you start doing your courting in a less traditional place than the back seat of a mini or that at the very least, you shed a few of those unwanted pounds and get a less adventuresome partner. Lucky numbers; 9, 9, 9, unlucky colours; frostbite blue. 


I see by this shredded comic and the Wrigley's wrapper that you are going to need your unique sense of humor this month as a sticky situation is arising in the third house. Accusations are going to be flying about and there will be rumors concerning your friendship with an eclectic Woodpecker of the opposite sex. Jealousy is at the root of these troubles as that be-spectacled, spotty, over weight Deer who hangs out with your crowd is harboring a secret crush on the Woodpecker and hates your guts. Drop a quiet word in the Woodpeckers ear about your "suspicions" and let them handle it in their own way.Unlucky color; Green.


This month will be a fraught one for you ( half a soggy tissue and the remains of a Kit Kat indicate it will be so) The family will see your house as Ground Control Central while all the squabbles and fights are going on and the air will be decidedly blue ( cigarette smoke and bad language) should they all turn up at the same time to cry on your shoulder and air their grievances. Put a "For Sale" sign in the front garden, move the telly into the cupboard under the stairs and stock up on staples; you are in for a long siege.


Finances look good this month, some expenditures you were expecting are not apparently going to appear, so you are feeling a little flush and frisky in the pocket department. Unfortunately, Luna is opposed to Vela, indicating a pushy Beaver Beast will have strong ideas about what you should do with your extra cash ( it involves new furniture if you must know) Hiding it will not work,( they know you too well) but if you play your cards right and shop around, you will be able to get a couch that doesn't have springs in awkward places and still have some "Mad Money" left over with which to spoil yourself. Advice; Avoid the leather look, at your age, it is gauche and awkward and no one be able to tell which way you are laying unless you keep your socks on.


Lupus is descending in the 2nd house and Venus is shyly ascending in the 4th quarter. There is also a limp er......"balloon" and a wedge of Brie, two champagne corks and a smattering of rose petals, drifting on the surface. This month will present you with a golden opportunity to scrabble up the social ladder to peer at your position in life from a different angle. Accept the invite from the supercilious Weasel and don't forget to clean your neck. Romantically, you will be bowled over by slim and elegant chinless wonder called "Puffy". Beware!! The moment they scream "Tally Ho!" get out while you still can. Lucky flower; climbing Ivy.


Flakes of ash and elm twigs with a soupcon of cider and a plastic ketchup packet all add up to you having the kind of month that makes most people run screaming. You however, will handle it all with grace, ease and a rye smile. People ( in between frantic panic attacks and hyperventilating in the toilets) will admire your aplomb and it will greatly enhance your reputation as a sophisticated player with nerves of steel and a steady hand. Truth is, you won't have a clue what is going on around you, it will all be over your head and beyond your comprehension. Don't even try to fathom what is going on, just keep smiling calmly and people will think you are a natural leader and well over due a pay raise. lucky numbers; 5, 73, 24. Unlucky colors; Flamingo Pink.


There will be an awkward moment in the third week involving a much loved family member who will ask to borrow something you treasure beyond sense. Not loaning them this item will accrue you a reputation as a tight fisted git, but if you do relent, make certain that they understand that you have an unnatural attachment, a bond with this seemingly unimportant item. That way they will be more prepared for the way you will fly off the handle when they tell you they left it somewhere and can't you just buy a new one? Lucky colours; Magnolia. Lucky stone; Garnet.


Why is there an electrical wire and a swan feather in your tarn? I re-evaluated my readings thrice before coming up with the explanation. It might seem like a logical thing to do at the time, but climbing wonky ladders in the dark to poke about in the wiring with a torch held between your teeth may be a little over zealous when all it actually needs is a new bulb. The resulting zztt, whoosh, bang, crash ( there must be a technical term, but I can't find it in Roget's) will mean you will spend the third weekend listening to the humiliating ( and expensive) chortles of the electrician and shopping for a new ladder. Not easy when you are on crutches with your arm in a cast.................Remember; Lightbulb; simple; "Righty tighty, lefty-Loosy"............duh...........


Work is going to get particularly stressful in the coming month. You will feel very used, abused and put upon by fellow workers and will develop a very noticeable tic when certain people ask you "Haven't you finished yet?" Putting in all those extra hours and chewing your nails to the elbow are not going to help you know, but a laxative furtively mixed in with their morning tea at break time will bring you lots of relief as you watch them all scuttle back and forth. Work late the night before and make sure there is only one roll of toilet paper in the building for extra amusement. Lucky colour; anything pastel. Unlucky numbers; 3, 7, 14.

Beaver Beast

You are in two minds over something. This month, the mists will rise and you will be able to see your true path, should you choose to take it. Seek the wisdom of a jocular Aardvark and trust not the flatulent Hedgehog with the umbrella. They are smooth talking and fast walking and having led you astray, will vanish from sight leaving you to clear up the mess and ruminate ( and seethe) over the injustice of it all. Lucky colour; Maroon, lucky number; The Aardvarks phone number.


Erial may be contacted at





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