St. Neotian Fensign Readings

by Erial

November 2001


Finally "fessed up to your secret slipper fetish, I see. Good, now you will be in a much better frame of mind to tackle this months predictions. Your tarn is quite murky and has a misty cast over Mars. Beware of a situation brewing where you will think you know all the answers, as you most emphatically don't and will make a right old pigs ear of it if you insist on carrying on. Be very wary of young giggling Deer and pouting Pigeons, trying to impress them could make you look like a right wombat.


Your restless nature may get you into trouble this month. Eynesbury should be avoided as much as possible after twilight hours, especially on foot, since the Beaver Beast may feel you have tried to invade his territory. Wear running shoes and carry a big stick after 7pm. 
You might meet a witty, intelligent person of the opposite sex in the ST Neots chat. This person will dazzle you with their brilliance and you will be bowled over by their romantic, winning ways and charmed by their suave style. Plan to meet them at your own peril. You could end up sitting by yourself in the Golden Ball with a carnation behind your ear feeling a little foolish. 


There is a faint whiff of "Mandate" in your pool this month, but also a few stray wisps of Beaver Beast fur. Playing sneaky last month and keeping a low profile have paid off for you and you should be safe until the next full moon. I do however see a problem with your plumbing, (no not that sort dopey, the other sort). I advise you to drink plenty of water, put newspaper down on the kitchen floor and carry a bucket for a few weeks. Avoid any tight clothing and stick to darker colors.


Having avoided a really good thrashing last month, you are feeling pretty smug with yourself right about now. However, your problems are not entirely over, as a love sick badger will confide secrets about their passionate and potentially risky affairs. Although you are fascinated by all the details, please stop them before they reveal secrets that could change your life. It is only amusing when you don't actually know the others involved: when it is closer to home, it can be hurtful. Avoid plums and curries.


It's no good pouting about last months little trip to the Drs, I know it was painful and embarrassing, but it is over and done with now. Seek the company of astute Beaver Beasts this month as I see an exciting financial venture coming in to view. It may all seem a bit technical at first, but with the right backing, you should go far and be able to improve your bank balance. Avoid awkward Lobsters and procrastinating Weasels, as they will mock the idea and make you indecisive. 


Uranus is in the 4th house and Mercury is ascending. Caution should be your watch word in your dealings with potential family members. You may think it highly amusing to bring out all the old baby photos and regale the poor bugger with childhood funny stories, but bear in mind, you were the one who will pay in the end. Those photos of the kid with the lollypop stuck up their nose and their arm in a cast are actually you, your mind just deleted the whole hideous event, but the photos could jog your memory and cause serious psychological damage. Avoid Wednesdays and books starting with the letter "C"


I see a journey, foretold by this bus ticket and small rolled up woodlouse. You will need to be self reliant with the packing I am afraid, as the rest of the family is still not talking to you after last months little tantrum in the lavatory. Pack lots of extra sweeties and a nice warn blanket as your travels will not be as smooth as you had hoped. Avoid hitch hiking Woodpeckers wearing balaclavas and underage Toads wearing mini skirts, both spell trouble for you. Lime green is your lucky color.


There are the remains of a secret lovers tryst and a Marlborough filter in your puddle this month. It looks as though your dry spell in the licentious department is finally over. You should be back to your normal offensive self by the end of this month, so breath a big sigh of relief, go wash your arm pits and throw yourself back into the gene pool. Oh and don't forget to take those books back to the library. They are due next Friday. Avoid small dogs, bacon flavored crisps and washing up liquid, as you are going to develop a severe allergic reaction to all three.



Finally I see your social life picking up and you will be besieged by invites to Tupperware parties and such like. It is your own fault for waving all those rolled up pound coins last month you know, I have no sympathy for you. However, you may as well go as you will meet some nice people and get to eat regularly. Avoid bottles of wine with distinctly strange looking labels and should you indulge in a glass or two, please restrain yourself from suggesting you all play spin the bottle. The vicars wife will not be amused.


You are feeling a little puzzled about something in your life right now. There is a situation that you are not 100% certain about developing in your tarn, and you are not quite sure how to handle it. If you do not confront your fears, your vivid imagination will run riot with you and you could very easily turn a simple misunderstanding into the next Cold War. It is a simple case of crossed wires and Chinese whispers, so go and get it sorted out or you will have a sleepless and paranoid month.


Your tarn is gilded with various duck effluent and contains a dangerously high PH this month. You may have a problem with your ears. Invest in a nice balaclava and seriously think about giving your ears a break from the music you listen to full blast in the middle of the night. Rolf Harris may be a classic in your books, but the neighbors would appreciate a break too. One more chorus of "Two Little Boys" and you could find your wooden horse stabled where the sun don't shine. 

Befriend a deaf Weasel.


Alrighty then! I foretell a month of parties, parties parties! Unfortunately all of them will involve you spending an unconceivable amount of time in the kitchen doing the washing up, cleaning up regurgitations and being a soggy shoulder for heart aches. Before accepting ANY invitations, make sure that you have a good excuse to leave at a moments notice. Small sick children and genital problems are always good ones to keep in stock. Practice your "I am so sorry, but I have to go now" speech in private.

Beaver Beast

Scattering of leaves and small twigs are in your pool and Capella has just hidden behind a clump of mystic duck weed. I see that you are the recipient of much admiration and awe this month, and not just because you can also tune into the World Service Broadcast. Someone will want to sweep you off your feet and carry you off to a far away place. Fine. Go. But before you pack your suntan lotion, please check to make sure they don't have webbed feet, have a regulation number of thumbs and a belly button. Lucky numbers; 999, lucky colors: anything not green, favorite place; cowering behind the couch in the chat room.


Erial may be contacted at





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