St. Neotian Fensign Readings

by Erial

September 2002


Although others will say you are being lazy and unwilling to help out, I can see that this is not in fact the case. You have other far more important things on your mind. Your health has not been at it's best lately, although they, of course, will just see that as an excuse not to pitch in and lend a hand. Buy a very very pale foundation from one of the cheapo Boots selections and apply every morning, blending well under the jaw line with one of those little sponges. People will soon notice your sickly pallor and will leave you alone.


Aha!! Lady Luck is going to be developing a bit of a crush on you this month. She has been batting her eyelashes in your direction ( can't you feel the breeze?) and puckering up for a while, and this month will decide it is time to make her move. Unfortunately, she will not be impressed when you spurn her advances, so be on the look out for million to one shots, long odds and things which will never happen in your life time. The possibilities are endless. It might also be a good idea to be nicer to small animals (she has a partiality to mice, apparently) 


This month will present you with an opportunity to advance yourself in the eyes of others. With a few simple yet sneaky maneuvers, you could come out of this smelling of roses and graciously accepting honors which are not rightly yours ( and you know it) However, someone has been keeping their eye on you and is waiting with baited breath for you to try and pull a fast one, so I would caution you to do nothing, keep smiling sweetly and avoid the temptation to tell a few little white lies and fiddle with some minor paperwork. ( your maleficent watcher is a Toad, by the way)


In all honesty, your pool seems quite innocuous this month. There is a dearth of anything to report on and basically it just looks like a depression in the earth with some water in it. This is not a bad thing, but it does mean that your social life is re-setting it's clock to zero and that you will think your phone has been cut off. It hasn't. Find ways to amuse yourself in your free time and don't brood. Think of this as a time to recharge your batteries and meditate about the important things in life. Get a library card, you know you want to.


The hazy shimmer at the edges of your pool indicate that you are going to be almost irresistible this month. There will be a lot of heavy breathing and clammy hands and hot soapy showers. Mind you, I could be wrong, it also seems that your health club membership ( the one you took out when you decided to lose that unsightly jiggle after that unfortunate incident on the beach last year. Remember? That group of giggling, heartless lithe and slender teenagers who thought you were a sand dune?) is due for renewal. Pluck up courage and take your friends the waddling Woodpecker and the Obese Owl with you.


This is not going to be a lucky month for you if you will keep insisting you know everything and will not let anyone else express and opinion. I know that Virgo is rising in the third quarter, but that still doesn't mean that ST Neots is exactly the kind of place that needs a cult leader and a sect of devotee's all marching on Pathfinder House to complain about the pot holes outside of your house( er......sorry, "Temple") Besides, you couldn't do all this when the weather was warmer? Saffron robes tend to cling in the rain, and Mrs. Reynolds from number 8 ( head acolyte because she fed your cat when you went to Skegness) is not exactly the one I would choose to see in a see through clinging garment. Ugh.


Hmmmmm, strange aura and smell, with several unidentifiable floaters on the surface. For a small nominal fee, sent to the usual address, I would be willing to wade in and discover what they are, but otherwise you will just have to make do with an educated guess-timate. Last month saw the start of a small and seemingly innocent rumor passed by you to an acquaintance, a personal comment about a co-worker which as I write, is snowballing into a libel suit and a major court case. Best thing you can do is nip it in the bud right now, suck up till your face turns inside out and generally grovel and whimper to the offender party ( unless you have that kind of money ferreted away in your Zurich account?)


Brackish cast to the tarn with a few floating oddments and a distinct haze in the first phase of the house. It is very important that you remain level headed and calm this month and try not to jump up and down in public places over silly matters which otherwise would pass without comment. This would just lead people to believe that you are not quite as in control as they thought you were and shouldn't be trusted with anything more dangerous than a sippy cup and some crayons in a nice comfortable room with bars on the windows. ( although the view is nice) Get together with a Toad you know and sip Chamomile tea together and leave the jumping up and down to some over excited incontinent Aardvark.


I see travel and education in your tarn. I don't think it will be a major trip, but none the less, it will be one which you will have nightmares about for a long long time unless you follow the basic rules of using public transport. Even if the vehicle is packed, beware sitting in the free seat next to the lady who is carrying an urn and wearing a straw hat decorated with half a dead parrot. There is a reason that seat is free. Other wise you will discover more about gynecology, the life cycle of the fruit fly and Peruvian embalming techniques than you need to ( unless you are a presenter on some day time chat show, and if so, why are you traveling that way anyway?)


Avoid the area of the Market Square and the surrounding streets this month, especially after dark and when the pubs are chucking out. I can see you getting into a lot of trouble with a certain young lady called Easy Nora and her fella, Big Ron when you collide outside a drinking establishment of dubious repute. The ensuing fracas could easily make the local papers ( right under the headline about the cat saving a family from a chip fire) and will not enhance your reputation in society circles one bit. On the bright side, once it has healed, the scar will make a novel ice breaker at parties. If you can be persuaded to show them that part of your anatomy on a first meeting, that is.


Minor irritations and stress related barbs from those around you have been niggling for a while now. I think you will find that a few cups of chamomile tea and some of those pills your Auntie Rita suggested might do you the world of good. ( don't get them muddled up with the ones she gave you when you got trotters tummy last summer, mind) I feel a tension building in your shoulders which is giving you a hunched and glowering appearance, which is not helping matters, and there is a nagging problem with your left ear, which on visiting the specialist will turn out to be a small fossilized pea. Get out more, take a few days off sick and try to unwind. You worry me...........and the neighbours........


Lots of clinging slimy duck weed adorns your pool and there is a distinct scent of violets. I can see a family member coming to stay with you for what they describe as a short visit, just to check up on your well being. Beware!!! Unbeknownst to you, this elderly and seemingly frail tyrant has decided to sell her own home and go visiting all the relatives before she shuffles off her mortal coil. Trouble is, if you make her feel too comfortable, she will shelve the idea of moving on and will just plonk herself down with you for the next thirty years.Do not allow ramblings about seeing a solicitor and changing paperwork to side track you, it is all going to a cats home in Bournmouth, no matter how well you warm her slippers and mash her tea.

Beaver Beast

Strange undercurrents ( although they could just be rabbit droppings) and a sulphuric haze cast doubt on your reading. You will be meeting an enigmatic and mysterious stranger who will regal you with tales of daring feats and dangerous liaisons. This could be due to the fact that you are going to lose your house key, won't be able to remember where you put the spare ( drinking will do that to you, you know) and be just a bit too drunk ( and a bit to fat) to get through the bathroom window. You will end up spending a sleepless night huddled under ST Neots Bridge sharing a cardboard box with someone who calls himself "Slasher" and who, (for a minor monetary fee) will show you the tattoos he got in the Far East before they threw him out of the Navy........


Erial may be contacted at





Copyright Adam Sheik

These pages created by
Celerity Design